Monday, January 22, 2007
Something I Dread....
AHHH!AHHHH my own best friends try to jump me at the trolley station, This also happens at the bus top. The bus driver is my friend but since I go for America so he tries to kick me off the bus but I am stubborn so I won't get off. The bully is funny but he is fat like my little brother. He also has hair that looks like a jungle because he does not take good care of it. The other bully is tall and skinny. He also looks like rocker cause of how he dresses. These two bullies love to pick on me. The other thing that I hate is getting up in the morning and eating cereal with milk because it makes it all soggy and it fell`s like baby food which I hate. This forces to me to eat as fast as the Flash runs which is really quick. These are all the things that brings pain.
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4 comments:
Shoot, just eat it dry then.
Or with water.
It was good. You took getting your butt kicked to a whole new dimension. The fact that 'the fat one's' hair is like a jungle, and not just badly kept. Keep up the good work.
The mood i get from this passage is funny.I liked this piece of writing because it talks about real life and I know who those bullies are because of how you said that."The other bully is tall and skinny"this was a very strong sentence with strong adjectives thats good.but this sentence doesn't have strong verbs you should make this better."He also has hair that looks like a jungle" is a good way of figurative language because your saying that he has hair like a jungle which means that he has a lot of hair,but you should use more of this type of language.Be more specific and figurative language.
I see that you’re afraid of bullies that hate the way you are or the way you think. I know that is hard to confront by your self. I think you expressed your feelings, which is great! It cool the way you compare things. An example is when you compare”The bully is funny but he is fat like my little brother”.
"eating cereal with milk because it makes it all soggy and it feels like baby food which I hate"
I thought this was interesting because you made a comparison between baby food and cereal. In which you are stating that your cereal gets soggy like the baby oatmeal.
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